I give up

I think I'm finally throwing in the towel. 

I was super duper sick this past weekend.  The Stinker had to stay at the ex's, I didn't move from the couch for 3 days, sick.  It was terrible. 

During that time I watched a lot of Sex and the City dvd's.  It was heavenly (besides the fever, coughing, snot fest I was having).  There was one episode where the girls are talking about the number of "great loves" each person gets in their lifetime.   

I'm worried that maybe I already had the great loves of my life.  I feel extremely lucky to have had those men in my life, but I don't know that I have the energy to keep looking for that kind of love.  What if that was it for me?  I had my chance and blew it.  Twice. 

The Fox that I was dating has disappeared by no fault of my own and for the first time in quite awhile - I could care less about finding someone new.  Fuck butterflies, chemistry and true love.  I'm so over it.   

I'm sure I'll snap out of this funk and be back to spouting butterflies and unicorns in no time, but right now... I could really care less.

Protected

I'm desperately trying to figure out how to do a "password protected" post on blogger but it doesn't seem to be an easy feat to accomplish. 

If anyone can help me figure this out, I'd appreciate it!

If it's something I can do - watch out.  I have a lot to say.  It's been a long week with a lot on my mind. 

Fuck.  It's only Wednesday. 

Hairapy

I'm ready for a major change.  I'm in the mood to do something drastic.  Since the BFF isn't ready to get another tattoo with me.  I'm thinking I'll mess with my hair.
 
I have really really thick, coarse long red hair.  It's all one length and has been for as long as I can remember.  I've never had bangs.  Ok, maybe I did in high school when I was caught in hair hell with my short "pube" haircut.  *shudder*  It was awful.  Trust me. 

Anywho...  The natural curl is a thorn in my side.  I've paid to have it chemically straightened but that is such an expensive process I haven't had it done in a few years.  My hair is so thick and heavy the length actually pulls the curl out quite a bit.  That's a good thing. 

I want to do this.  Bangs! 

My hair is about an inch or so longer than this, and with my own curl and my monster curling iron that's what my hair looks like most days. 

The question is about the bangs.  Could I do it?  I'd have to flat iron them all the live long day, but man they are sassy.  I heart them soooo much and haven't stopped thinking about doing this since I saw the picture. 

Would I be biting off more than I can chew with this haircut?  Has anyone regretted getting bangs after years and years of one length hair?

Happy V Day!

Does anyone else not really give a shit about this stooopid holiday? 

It's trite and cheesy, but I think when in a relationship the romance should be there every day.  Not only on some Hallmark created day in the middle of the dreariest month of the year.

It's been quite a few years since I've had anyone in my life on this day and that's honestly ok with me. 

This year I have The Fox.  Everything is new with us, so there won't be grand gestures or big displays of affection tonight, which is a good thing.  I'm not ready to be there yet.  Spending a nice quiet evening at my house with someone I truly enjoy being with should be the perfect way to end this day.  

I would be just as happy being at home with The Stinker if The Fox wasn't around to spend time with.  That realization is how I know I'm doing completely fine on my own.  This chick doesn't need no stinkin man on this dumb "holiday".  I have an amazing little girl, fantastic friends, a warm lovely home.... I would not be crying in my wine tonight alone over the fact I'm "single". 

Life is just fine.... but some lovin tonight would be good, too.  I'm only human. *grin*

Blast from the past

Sometimes life can be funny. 

There is someone that I dated almost 4 years ago that will pop into my mind from time to time.  He's that one guy "that got away".  I'm not pining for him, but he's someone that will occasionally come to mind.  I wonder what he's up to, how his kids are doing.  Normal stuff like that.  A comment here last year made me think of him and I even sent him an email (gasp! I know, right?) to see how he was doing.  It was nice to hear from him (yes, he responded) and to know that he doesn't hate my guts enough to never speak to me again.

THEN for the first time in four years, this past weekend... I saw him.  I went out with the Fox (you'll learn more about him later) and the moment he mentioned stopping at a particular bar, I thought of the ex.  I know his girlfriend used to frequent this place due to the type of music they play, but it was a busy Saturday night and I figured there was no way they'd be there. 

Wrong.  As the Fox and I walked around looking for a seat - there they were.  She had her back to me and he was next to her rubbing her back.  She looked stunning as usual and he was as cute as ever.  The good thing is, I don't think he saw me. 

I'm happy.  He's happy.  It was good to see him.  He looked good and they looked content together  That's a good thing.  I hope I looked the same.  Someday, I know I will.

I'm ALIVE!!!

I'm alive... I'm alive!! 

How is everyone!?!?  Still there?  Hope so!! 

I can't believe how long I've been out of commission... Not only have I not been updating this here lovely little bloggy but I haven't been able to read all our your blogs, either!  True sadness.  That is all going to change this week!

I've fallen off the face of the earth for quite a few reasons. 

Towards the end of 2011 (November to be exact) I got a huge promotion at work.  I went from the girl that loved her job, never took it home at night, didn't have access to email after business hours... to a department manager with HUGE responsibilities and much more to do.  My days of leisurely spending hours at a time reading blogs, jacking around on Facebook and Twitter while doing some internet hopping are unfortunately over.  I love my new position and feel very fortunate to have been offered this role.  Life is pretty damn good on the work front.

After the holidays I took a vacation with the munchkin which has also taken up a lot of my brain power.  We went on a 7 night Disney Cruise from LA and it was fantastic.  Every single moment was amazing and I loved having a whole entire week in the sun and sand with my little best friend. 

My family life has also taken a hit in the last few months as well.  I wanted to post more about this with some some links and information, but the situation involves my little sister.  While I love my little sister dearly I don't want her to know about this blog and she's savvy enough to figure things out if I start "linking things up".  Short version of the story - she had her 3rd baby on 11/26 who was born in full renal (kidney) failure.  He spent the first month and a half of his life in the hospital.  He's been home a few weeks until today when he's back to Iowa City to start dialysis.  He's just over 2 months old and will now be on dialysis until he can have a kidney transplant once he's approx 22lbs.  I could use any prayers you feel like throwing up to the big guy.  The dialysis starting this week will take a toll on his little body and the mortality rate for an infant on dialysis is... well, it's not good.

I have some boy stories as well, but we'll save those for another day... Gotta make sure you come back!