Butterflies

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies" - Carrie Bradshaw SATC

  

I've been on two dates with someone in the last week or so.  While this isn't earth shattering news, the butterflies this man gives me have knocked me right on my ass. 

I need to always remember to settle for nothing less than butterflies.  I can't settle for convenience, or friendship, or good sex.  Butterflies.  All those other things will fall into place with time. 

I love this feeling.  I get a goofy grin on my face each time my phone lights up with a text from him.  I smile from ear to ear when I hear him say I'm beautiful or sexy.  I get that butterfly feeling in my stomach when he reaches across the table, touches my face and then kisses me.  To hear him say "hey darlin', I think I'm going to kiss you on New Years eve this year".  Swoon.

Who knows, this guy may not stick around.  Heck, he might not be around long enough for me to give him a name on here.  I'd love for this to work but honestly if it doesn't last that's ok, too.  I'm able to appreciate this feeling and to remember that this feeling.  What I'm feeling right now?  Exactly what I've been waiting for.  I'm worth butterflies and I'll enjoy every second of them while I can.  I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world. 

Slacker

Yep.  I've been a total bloggy slacker lately. 

Here are some highlights of my life the last few weeks.

-work has been redonk lately.  We had Air Canada threaten to strike earlier in the week and now riots and transportation strikes in Athens.  Of course all these things happening around the world always have to involve one of our ships.  This weekend I'll be working a large amount of overtime.  Super.  Oh the joys of working for a luxury cruise line. 

-speaking of said cruise line.  I now have no "date" for this vacation.  Anyone interested in joining me?  Yeah.  Did I mention it is FREE (with free booze)!  You'd think it would be very easy to find a travel buddy, but surprisingly it's not.  GAH!

-The Stinker sliced the bottom of her foot open my deck the other night when she was chasing the pup around the deck.  It was a pretty deep cut.  When we called the X to tell him good night, she had to tell him about her new war wound.  She told him, "it was bad, Daddy.  I could see BRAIN"  I died.  Ded.   

-I'm pretty much single again.  I'm proud I stuck to my guns.  I love who I am these days and I love my life.  I know some day the right person will come along and make my life even better.  For the time being, I've honestly never been happier.

-The Stinker pulled her second tooth.  Yep.  She pulled it herself at after school daycare.  She must have known how much mommy despises the thought of touching teeth and saved me the grief.  She's a great kid.

Hope everyone is doing well!!  A REAL post to come soon.  I pinky swear!

Big sigh

Why does it always feel like I'm the guy in a relationship? 

I'm the one that is level headed, non dramatic, I usually don't over think things, I don't mince words, I own my own home and am generally a grown up in life, I am not overly emotional, I'm fun in the bedroom, I am very independent...

I'm not sure what it happening with Capt Ron, but I'm pretty sure what we had is falling apart.  Big time.

He's a great guy, but there are too many things working against us.  He lives an hour and a half away and while that isn't a huge distance, it doesn't work.  I can handle long distance, but he doesn't call. He doesn't text.  We go 2 weeks at a time without seeing each other and not talking much in between.  That's not what I want right now.  I'm 38 freaking years old.  I'm ready for a real relationship.     

For the first time in years I introduced someone to my daughter, my friends, my life.  I actually put pictures of us on Facebook.  I've NEVER done that with someone I've dated.  What tells me this isn't "forever" is that I'm more disappointed and sad about those things, than sad about losing him.  I don't want to be the single girl yet again.  I don't want to have to talk about how "we aren't together anymore".  The whole things sucks.

I don't want to be the dude in the relationship anymore.. I want to cry, pout, kick and scream but as usual, I won't.