Letting go....

This is an older post that I had sitting in drafts.... Don't feel quite as raw as when I wrote this, but I do still wonder about him.....


I'm having a terrible time letting go of something.  More specifically letting go of someone. 

I don't know how to do this and the someone is not making it any easier.  Why would he contact me if he's happily with someone else?  Why me and why now?   It's been over 3 years since we so abruptly ended our relationship.  Why would he admit he thinks about me often when he's with her? 

I keep thinking about "what if's" and I can't help but wonder if he's thinking the same thing. 

What if he was still in my life?  What would it be like?

I think we'd be happily co-habitating under one roof and loving life.  We'd have 3 kids, two dogs and a whole lotta love. 

I'd be driving him nuts with my short temper and sassiness, he'd be bugging me with his stubborn-ness and the fact he's more introverted.... but we'd have so much fun making up. 

He'd still be making me smile.  I've always said that wit is my kryptonite and he is the reason I will continue to need a funny guy in my life.  He was funny in a dry witty way like no one I've ever met since.  He always could make me smile. 

He would want to stay home and chill most nights while I'd want to go out and be social a lot of the time.

He'd still be expanding my horizon with books and music that I'd never pick up without him in my life.  

I get choked up thinking about what life would be like because I know it would have been amazing.  I'm having a hard time letting go of those thoughts but I KNOW I have to. 

I wish he was mine.  I wish I could care for someone completely the way I did then.  I wish I could truly see a future with someone like I did with him.  Someday... That someone for me is out there, I just know it.  He has to be. 

"Maybe mistakes are what make our fate.... without them what would shape our lives?  Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are.  After all, things change, people come into your life and they go.  It's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...."  Sex and the City