Meh Puppeh!

The Stinker and I are finally going to have a new addition to our home!  After many weeks digging online and being punked by both the Humane Society and douchebags on Craigslist.  Twice.  I'm heading about an hour outside of Omaha to get our new pup tonight!  Couldn't BE more excited!!

I wanted a small-ish dog.  Something that didn't shed a ton would be great, but it wasn't a deal breaker.  Basically we wanted a sweet dog to add some fun, excitement and snuggles to our family.

I'll post pictures soon of the new addition... All two of you that read this will be in total suspense, I'm sure....

One another note, I've decided I'm pretty much done with Facebook.  I just don't have the patience anymore.  Not even because of the new stupid layout, but because the people are annoying to me.  I only have about 25-30 "real" friends on there that I actually give a shit about, and the rest of the people are jerks I went to High School with.  I'd love to go through and delete them all.  I really could care less.

I've been spending more time on Twitter where I can basically be anonymous while saying whatever is on my mind (which isn't a lot.  For some reason Twitter intimidates me, but it's fun to read other people's whacked out thoughts).  I have a crush on a couple of guys I follow, they don't know I exist, but they are FUNNY.  Nothing I love more than a funny guy.  Nothing, people.  I'd make out with a not so hot dude any day of the week if he can make me laugh.  Trust me.  Funny = pants off.  *grin*.  Anyway, Twitter is becoming much more interesting to read then stupid FB where people only post about their perfect kids, politics, or any other topic I don't really give a fuck about. 

The BFF and I are going to Jersey Boys Saturday afternoon and I'm super pumped!  I've heard amazing things about it and since I don't have a NYC trip planned any time soon, seeing it in good ol Omaha is the next best thing! 

Have a good Thursday, internets!!

Old Fart

Yep.  I'm old.  I don't usually feel it and I know most of the time I don't look it, but this week has been tough!  I turned 38 on the 13th and I'm having a tough time with that number.  It's just too damn close to FORTY!  How did this happen?  40?!?! 

The girls and I went out to my favorite little hole in the wall Mexican restuarant.  I stuffed my face and had a few margaritas - it was a good night.  For an old lady. 

Since I'm officially old and now can't form complete thoughts, eat spicy food, or control my own bladder... here are some random things happening in my world.

- I LOVE FALL!  Yep, yelling at you.  All things fall make me a very happy girl.  I love wearing sweatshirts and jeans, I love having my house decorated with my "fall stuff", I love sleeping with the windows open and waking up to a freezing house, I love fall candle and lotion flavors, I love hitting the pumpkin patch with the Stinker, I love football... LOVE LOVE LOVE. 

- The Stinker lost her first tooth the second week of Kindergarten.  I hate teeth.  I made the X come over and yank that sucker out when it was ready because there was no way in hell I was going to do it.  *shudder*  Teeth and feet are disgusting and I should never have to touch either.  Ever. 

- I've decided to stop drinking beer.  This is noteworthy because I love beer.  No, really.  I heart it.  I've always been a beer girl.  As I've gotten older drinking any kind of beer makes me feel like complete shit.  I have stomach problems on a good day, and a frothy cold one magnifies that issue by about 1000%.  It also isn't good for the waistline and well, I'm almost 40....  I should start drinking something more "grown up", right?  I emailed this fact to the BFF and her response to my email was "WTF!?!?  What's wrong with you?"  Yeah.  She's a beer drinker, too. 

- I'm in desperate need of a vacation.  For reals.  I'm hoarding vacation days like a fat kid who loves donuts because of my impending 14 night Australia cruise in January.  It's killing me.  Must.have.time.off  *le sigh*

Hope everyone has a great weekend.... The Stinker and I have big plans of doing nothing!  I'm sure there will be some drinking with friends (no beer) while the kids play.  Then after she's zonked out, mommy will lounge on the couch and cyber stalk people via facebook and twitter.  Good times had by all! 

Peace out, bitches!!

Saboteur

I can honestly say that a couple of times since I've been divorced/single I've (semi) intentionally screwed up a new relationship.  It's been awhile since I've done this, and I may not have known it at the time, but that's exactly what I did.

Perfect example is the very first person I dated after the X and I split up.  I was hardly out of the X's house before I was totally smitten with the new guy.  Hindsight is always 20/20 as we know, and I can say with complete certainty that I fucked up that relationship on purpose.  I was a hot mess from the get go.  Deep down I was in no way ready to get into something serious.  The part that sucks is that he was a really great guy.  The BFF and I have said many times over the last few years that if I'd met him now, at this point in my life, we'd be amazing together.  He was really good and I was newly single and very very bad.   

I wonder if that is what's happening in my life right now... but this time I'm not the saboteur.  Cpt Ron seems to be douche-bagging it up lately.  I wonder if he's pulling an "emily" and fucking things up because he's not ready for a real relationship.  Without getting into his person life too much, he's fresh out of a divorce and from the beginning that (and other factors) have made me a wee bit nervous.  Nervous enough to run away?  Nah... but nervous enough to take a small step back.  

Has anyone else ever done this?  Messed up your own relationship because you weren't ready for what was before you?  Do I run away or give him the time and understanding to get through all of this while I wait patiently... Decisions, decisions....

Am I dead inside?

I've had to deal with a fair amount of shadoobie in my life.   

My dad died pretty suddenly in the winter of 1999, my grandpa died December of 2007, my mom passed away the next month and then my grandma died that next October.  Yeah.  Sucks.  I'm 37 years old and I have no parents or grandparents left.  It's a pretty lonely feeling. 

I feel like after all that, I have nothing left.  Zilch in the empathy or emotion department.  I have a friend who has recently had very sick grandparents.  When she mentions it to me... I feel nothing.  I want to say, "suck it up - I've dealt with sooo much worse and kept a smile on my face"  What the fuck is wrong with me?  I'm obviously dead inside for thinking like that. 

Part of the reason I'm not with the X anymore is because he was unable to communicate about anything.  Through the death of both of my parents, grandparents, fertility issues, adopting our baby girl - he never comforted me.  He never sat down and just let me cry.  He never let me yell or scream or vent about what was happening to me.  To us.  He never hugged me and told me how bad it all sucked, but that he'd be my rock no matter what.  He never just took me out for a night and got me stinking drunk.  Nothing.  I kept everything completely bottled up and to the world I was the most well-adjusted sad person, ever. 

I wonder if that situation is why I am, the way I am.  Dealing with my dad dying was the hardest thing I've ever done.  He was my favorite person in the world.  My bright shining star.  I shut down when he got sick.  I didn't go visit half as much as I should.  I didn't call every.single.day to hear his voice and tell him how much I loved him.  I didn't go home every weekend to sit and hold his hand and watch football games with him.  I also didn't have a strong partner to tell me to get my ass in the car and go hug my dad.  

I don't know how to be supportive for my friend.  I want to be the friend for her that she was for me when I dealt with my losses.  I hate that I can't be strong enough for both of us. 

Nothing to see here...

Hurricanes make this girl, who books flights and deals with airlines for a living, super duper grumpy.  I can't fly the planes people.  What the hell do you think I can do for you at this point?!?  It's a hurricane.  Flights are going to be delayed and just generally fucked up for the next 3 days.  You won't miss your cruise - trust me.  We'll get you there somehow, but it may be through Bumblefuck Mississippi.  Enjoy your vacation.  *grin* 

The besties and all the kids are coming over to play tonight while the grown ups drink.  Do other parents do this?  We chill at my house, drink, talk, sit outside while the little ones run amok in my house destroying everything in it's path.  I love to still be able to spend time with the friends, my favorite little person and my lovah - alcohol.  :)  

I  haven't heard anything about the job interview I had a few weeks ago.  He said it would be the end of the month before I heard, but this is killing me.  Dead.  I'm the least patient person on the planet.  It's taken every bit of grown up restraint I can muster, to not email the man every.single.minute to ask, "now?  Now?  Do you know yet?  Now?  What do you think?  Me?  I'm awesome.  Thanks, I know.  Now?  Decision, now?"  Gaaahhhh.... I heard someone else applied that might be a bit more qualified, but I'm still holding out hope and keeping my fingers crossed... It's pretty much all I can concentrate on right now. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!! 

Hot lunch!

My baby girl is all growed up.  Yep.  The Stinker started Kindergarten last week and my whole world has been turned upside down.  She seems older already.  It makes this mommy so proud and so sad at the same time. 

She wasn't scared at all on the first day and saddled up to that teeny tiny desk ready to tackle anything they threw at her.  She was pumped and I loved that.  No crying for her.  Maybe a few tears for me. 

When anyone asked her about her first few days, all she could talk about was HOT LUNCH!  It's the best part of the day in her world.  She loves everything about it.  Couldn't wait to tell me about the three milk choices she had.  Three!?!?  What a world we live in.  :)
 

I've never been more proud to be a mommy, and I can't wait to see what other new changes this year brings for my little Stinker.  She amazes me every day.

Zzzzz......

I finally have a boy in my life.  A boy who I really really like, maybe even love.  I haven't said that "L" word for a very long time, so trust me.  This is a big fricking deal in my world.

It's the same boy from this post, and things have been great since he got home from Afghanistan. 

Here is the pickle.  He snores.  Very loudly.  All.night.long. 

I not embarrassed to admit I haven't had a dude in my bed for quite some time.  I love my "single" life.  I can go to bed when I want, I have the bed to myself, I can read or sleep in the middle if I want!  This momma loves to sleep.     

I used to say I could not - would not ever date a snorer.  That was one of my "dealbreakers".  Everyone has those, right?  My dealbreakers, among other little things, were no bad jeans, no long distance (more on that "dealbreaker" later - it's actually a problem, too), no living at home, no bad teeth or feet (both ick me out, even if they are pretty), and NO snoring!  How did I fall for someone that has 2 of the 5?  Super duper. 

I'm a very light sleeper.  I'm such a light sleeper I can only sleep with some sort of "noise".  (yes, I have like 3 of them).  The Stinker has one, too.  I guess it's not a shocker I've been single for awhile, huh?  It helps!  Shut up. 

When Capt Ron (that's what we'll call my new boy) stays at my house I have the noise going full blast and sometimes a pillow over my head.  All I do is lay there becoming more and more exhausted while silently plotting his death.  (I kid, I kid - or do I?)  Rolling him over lasts for about 10 minutes and then he's right back at it. 

What's a girl to do?  I really care about him and can't let the first good thing to come along in years go away because I can't sleep... so what's the alternative?!?!   Breathe right strips, surgery, more drinking before bed?  I'm ready to do anything that will help me not be exhausted and not dread him sleeping in my bed.