50 Shades of Confused

I always go so long without a post and then have many many things to say... Here are a few things happening in my life. 

I started 50 Shades of Grey this past week... has anyone else read this?  Oh my holy hell it's awful.  Crazy scary awful.  I'm not a prude by any sense of the imagination (I love me some sex) but the things this creepo does to this stupid girl are appalling.  Maybe because I'm not a lonely housewife (who I think is the target audience) I am unable to enjoy this book.  I'm honestly struggling to get through it.  Makes matters worse because the grammar and writing are deplorable.  I'm a grammer nazi and it's hard to not chuck the iPad across the room with some of the mistakes in this book.  Barf. 

For the first time since my divorce I've been "set up" with someone through a friend of a friend.  I haven't really dated a ton in the last year or so, and being blindly set up isn't something I've ever done.  I have to say so far... I'm pleasantly surprised.  He's a couple of years younger than me, very cute, girls around The Stinkers age, great job.  Talked to him on the phone for about an hour and a half the other night.  Felt like I was in High School again chatting on the phone and it was a good feeling.  We are meeting this week.... *fingers crossed*   

My sister and her now 5 month old baby in Kidney failure are actually hanging in there.  He's such a little punkin.  They have been able to keep dialysis at bay for the time being and he's doing ok at home.  That's the most important thing right now.  I'm so glad he's home where he belongs with his family.  Prayers are always appreciated.

Why is it just when I start to forget and let myself fall for someone new, my past pops up and sucker punches me in the gut.  I had a really tough time dealing with DoucheBag's marriage and profession of (too late) love for me.  Now the ONE guy that I can't get over pops back into my life.  I can't do it.  I want to see him, but I know that's not the right decision.  I can't see him in person when he's in another relationship, knowing I'm still a little in love with him.  I thought I maybe could, but it's not fair to me and my mental stability.  I embarrassed myself by turning into a crazy person when he emailed me today.  He does that to me!  That new relationship I mentioned?  I'd drop it like a fucking hot potato for him, but it'll never happen.  Ever.  And that breaks my heart.

I was the lucky recipient of a colonoscopy last week.  Yea me!  I ended up in the ER Saturday morning with some severe tummy issues (I've always had weird stomach issues, but they've been getting worse and worse).  They decided I needed a endoscopy and colonoscopy the next day.  So I got scoped from both ends without so much as a kiss or a nice dinner.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and all they found were some little ulcers in my stomach they are keeping an eye on.  I've felt better this past week and hope to not have to have that procedure again for a long time....

All in all life is good and I'm hanging in there... hope everyone else is, too!

Nothing like a good book

I love to read.  I always have.  I'm insatiable when it comes to books.  Always.have.to.read.  Always.

This week I read The Bungalow by Sarah Jio and I fell in love with it.  This story and characters absolutely consumed me for 24 hours and I couldn't put it down.  That doesn't happen very often, but when it does I love that feeling. 

It's not a long book and a very easy read, but I highly recommend it.  Getting lost in the South Pacific during WWII with these characters was the best way I could think of to spend a lazy day duing the week. 

Amazing. 

So, there's that

You know what is a really good time?

Getting an email from an ex BF that you dated on and off for about 2 years.  In the email he mentions that he's marrying the hot 23 year old (he's 39) he dumped you for and he'd love to meet for a drink to catch up. 

Ummm... what the fuck? 

After discussing with the BFF I decided to go.  Curiosity won over anything else.  Plus I'm kinda dumb. 

So he basically told me he is marrying her because she's good for his ego.  He always wanted a "trophy wife" and now he has her.  He also said he loves me more than I could ever know and that he is fully aware he chose the wrong girl.

There also might have been some pleading for me to go home with him (I did NOT, I'm not that dumb) and a kiss or two (I was nervous drinking - shut up). 

Yeah.  Good times.  Fucker. 

I give up

I think I'm finally throwing in the towel. 

I was super duper sick this past weekend.  The Stinker had to stay at the ex's, I didn't move from the couch for 3 days, sick.  It was terrible. 

During that time I watched a lot of Sex and the City dvd's.  It was heavenly (besides the fever, coughing, snot fest I was having).  There was one episode where the girls are talking about the number of "great loves" each person gets in their lifetime.   

I'm worried that maybe I already had the great loves of my life.  I feel extremely lucky to have had those men in my life, but I don't know that I have the energy to keep looking for that kind of love.  What if that was it for me?  I had my chance and blew it.  Twice. 

The Fox that I was dating has disappeared by no fault of my own and for the first time in quite awhile - I could care less about finding someone new.  Fuck butterflies, chemistry and true love.  I'm so over it.   

I'm sure I'll snap out of this funk and be back to spouting butterflies and unicorns in no time, but right now... I could really care less.

Protected

I'm desperately trying to figure out how to do a "password protected" post on blogger but it doesn't seem to be an easy feat to accomplish. 

If anyone can help me figure this out, I'd appreciate it!

If it's something I can do - watch out.  I have a lot to say.  It's been a long week with a lot on my mind. 

Fuck.  It's only Wednesday. 

Hairapy

I'm ready for a major change.  I'm in the mood to do something drastic.  Since the BFF isn't ready to get another tattoo with me.  I'm thinking I'll mess with my hair.
 
I have really really thick, coarse long red hair.  It's all one length and has been for as long as I can remember.  I've never had bangs.  Ok, maybe I did in high school when I was caught in hair hell with my short "pube" haircut.  *shudder*  It was awful.  Trust me. 

Anywho...  The natural curl is a thorn in my side.  I've paid to have it chemically straightened but that is such an expensive process I haven't had it done in a few years.  My hair is so thick and heavy the length actually pulls the curl out quite a bit.  That's a good thing. 

I want to do this.  Bangs! 

My hair is about an inch or so longer than this, and with my own curl and my monster curling iron that's what my hair looks like most days. 

The question is about the bangs.  Could I do it?  I'd have to flat iron them all the live long day, but man they are sassy.  I heart them soooo much and haven't stopped thinking about doing this since I saw the picture. 

Would I be biting off more than I can chew with this haircut?  Has anyone regretted getting bangs after years and years of one length hair?

Happy V Day!

Does anyone else not really give a shit about this stooopid holiday? 

It's trite and cheesy, but I think when in a relationship the romance should be there every day.  Not only on some Hallmark created day in the middle of the dreariest month of the year.

It's been quite a few years since I've had anyone in my life on this day and that's honestly ok with me. 

This year I have The Fox.  Everything is new with us, so there won't be grand gestures or big displays of affection tonight, which is a good thing.  I'm not ready to be there yet.  Spending a nice quiet evening at my house with someone I truly enjoy being with should be the perfect way to end this day.  

I would be just as happy being at home with The Stinker if The Fox wasn't around to spend time with.  That realization is how I know I'm doing completely fine on my own.  This chick doesn't need no stinkin man on this dumb "holiday".  I have an amazing little girl, fantastic friends, a warm lovely home.... I would not be crying in my wine tonight alone over the fact I'm "single". 

Life is just fine.... but some lovin tonight would be good, too.  I'm only human. *grin*